10 THINGS I WISH I KNEW ABOUT DATING AND SEX WHEN I WAS YOUNGER

There are a lot of things that I learned as I grew up. Some I encountered and I didn't expect. Some I could handle while others I didn't know where to start. Our culture hasn't yet adapted to talking about sex and dating openly. More so to young people. So most of what we know we picked up as grown-ups.
Here are 10 things that I wish I knew when I was younger;

1. It's okay for you to date before you're 26.

If you are Kenyan and from a Christian background then you have an idea of what I mean. The church taught me that I shouldn't date till am around 26. My parents never talked about it. My schools didn't either. So all my teachings were from church. My church considered dating early in life a distraction that leads to sin. They warned us against it.

As long as you have your goals set right and you know what you want for your future, then you won't get distracted. Dating is fun. It brings something more into life. Some people met their partners in high school. So why should you wait if you don't want to?

2. Don't judge people who have sex before marriage.

Truth be told, I judged the first friend that told me about how she'd had sex. Very hard. I didn't say anything to her but deep down I thought she was so sinful. I believed I had fallen into some bad friendship. I thought I wanted to be one of the women that waited till marriage. So, anyone that didn't was either a sinner or a bad influence. Looking back now, I lacked experience on what real life is.

Out in the real world, people have emotions and hormones. We should learn how to deal with them, not ignore them. It's okay if you don't want to wait for marriage. You are not more sinful than the next person. Dating isn't something to wait till you are almost thirty. You can also date and not have sex. It's all up to you.

3. Just cause you can't commit doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

I have always had a commitment problem. I met and dated several guys but I could not stay or fall in love with them. I thought something was wrong with me. Most of my friends were in serious relationships and I wasn't. I would cry some nights and wonder whether I was okay. I had no idea that for some people it takes time. That it isn't easy. Now, I am three years into a relationship with a guy am still in love with. I guess I just had to meet my person.
If you can't do it. Don't rush. Don't be peer pressured into it. If you go into it for the wrong reasons you will get hurt. Go out. Date a couple of guys. If you don't like them, you don't like them. Leave them. Spend more time with yourself if you want. Get to know yourself more. What do you like? What are you willing to put up with? All these are things you will learn on the way. Learning to be alone is a great thing cause then you won't stay with someone because you are lonely. One day it will all work out.

4. Sex is great. You actually feel good during and after.

Going back to the church's teachings. I learned, growing up, that sex was bad. That's all. I related having sex to everything bad without really knowing what it was. The lesson should have been, 'it isn't a bad thing, but I should wait'.

Again, this is not something to do because everyone is doing it. I didn't have sex until I was nineteen. I have never regretted it. It was something that I wanted and I was ready for. You will know when you are ready. If you want to wait then it's good too. You are not losing anything by waiting. Having sex with someone for the first time is not something you do due to peer pressure or 'to get it over with'.

5. You can talk to an adult when you don't understand something.

This is something I wasn't privileged to have. I could not talk to my parents. I was afraid they would punish me for even thinking about it. I couldn't talk to my pastor. He had already shown me his stand on things. I worried that talking to someone would make me come out as a bad child. So if I had a crush, I kept quiet about it till it passed. If a guy hit on me I said no and kept quiet about it. Looking back now, I could have talked to my elder sister. She would have understood and helped out. Or I would have talked to my friend that was dating way before me. I was always scared.

Don't be afraid. Am pretty sure you know someone you can talk to. A sibling. Or an Aunt. Or a friend. The point is, talk to someone when you have questions. Don't bury it inside. There is a good chance you will find someone that will give you some answers.

6. Just cause that guy said you are amazing doesn't mean he'll stay.

The first guy I had a big crush on told me I was pretty. He said he loves spending time with me. He said he couldn't wait to see me again. We parted ways and I have never seen him again after that day. No, it wasn't after sex. We had gone out and talked for hours. I had never talked to anyone for hours before. He went home and he didn't call me. I tried to call him but he didn't pick. I may have cried a little after that. I didn't know why anyone would say all that and still leave. I didn't understand that some men don't keep their words.

Some people are not going to stay. Some will not call you or call you back. I can't tell you why. But I can tell you that it may happen. Once or twice or more times. There are people out there who don't keep their word. They are so good at words and can't show you the same. I also want you to understand that it is not a reflection on you. It is them. Just cause they left, doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. They are not the type of people that stay. That's all!

7. Love takes time or not.

This is quite similar to the commitment point. But I have met people that committed and were not in love. For me love took time. I had to date a few people first. And even with my boyfriend, I didn't fall in love immediately. I realized I was in love after about four months of dating him. For others though, they met and fell in love in no time. It is not the same for everyone. Don't compare yourself to anyone. One writer wrote 'You don't realize you love someone until you do. There is no loud, screeching halt inside your heart.' I think so too.

8. Sex doesn't have to be boring.

I had to learn this on my own. I dated a guy that would only want the missionary style. I was still new to dating and sex. I tried to learn the rest with him but he wasn't interested. It was the same thing, each and every time. It doesn't have to be like that. If you want to try something new, you should. Don't be shy. It's actually fun too.

9. You are not a slut or hoe for enjoying sex.

Women have as much right to enjoy sex as men. You should not be labeled a slut or feel like one, just because you enjoy regular physical intimacy.

10. Always use protection.

There guys who will tell you they don't like using condoms. That's their problem. Love yourself enough to always be careful.